This year for Valentine’s Day, Allen and I decided we wanted to share about the darkest time in our marriage.
“WHY?? IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY!!”
Yup, that’s exactly why.
There’s so much emphasis on finding the perfect gift, on incredible romantic gestures, sex, and hearts. LOTS OF HEARTS. We wanted to open up about our relationship because we know that it will help many of you who are going through the darkest time now. Many of you are not feeling like celebrating this corporate holiday. I know because I was once there!
We’re not offering a solution but merely our own account of what happened to us in the last few years, what we wish had happened and the changes we made to make it better for us today. We’re not hoping you feel and do the same things we did but know that you and your partner are not alone and that relationship brokenness is very real and not very often talked about so here we are! We came up with 10 questions for each other, answered them separately and pasted it together below. It’s not the most elegantly written because it just comes from off the cuff. We did it this way because we think it’s important to show both sides. Many times, especially between men and women, needs and expectations are different. To identify that is key.
We only hope that this post will encourage you especially on this Valentine’s Day. xoxo – Laura & Allen
Written by Allen:
- What was your first impression of Laura?My first impression of Laura was, this girl exudes coolness with her walk and attitude, but also the leather jacket helps. Then when I found out she was into Marvel comics (this was all before the Marvel craze with their films), I was stunned and knew she was the one for me.
- What did the two of you enjoy doing the most? Was there a particular memory that you both shared that you will always cherish forever?We love watching films, whether it’s blockbuster films or arthouse films (made me watch Bicycle Thief and great film by the way), camping and visiting National Parks and experiencing beautiful landscapes. But what I remember most is our time together visiting Seattle and Olympic National Park for the first time. We got to share some of the most other worldly places together and immediately fell in love with the pacific northwest and Laura was the perfect person to share this experience with.
- When did marriage start getting difficult?Marriage started to get difficult when Casey our 2nd was born. It was constant baby duties while taking care of our first born and we really didn’t have time for each other. Laura also became busy with her work after going viral couple years before and me working all the time didn’t really help either.
- What do you feel contributed to that?Lack of intimacy was a huge contributor for me. I’m not talking about just sex, but the little things like giving me a hug, holding my arm or putting her hands on my back. When the touching stopped, I felt lonely and unimportant and most importantly I felt unloved. Also just talking to each other came to a halt and without proper communication, it was hard to feel out what one was thinking. In Laura’s case she was always stressed and anxious from work, plus the constant breast feeding, and taking care of the kids did not help at all and because of her mood swings, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I just didn’t want to talk to her anymore because anything I say could cause her to yell and get angry and it felt like I was living with a ticking time bomb. This kind of sounds like it was all Laura’s fault and you’re probably thinking what was I doing through all of this to make her feel this way, and you are right to think that because there was so much more I could’ve done to make this situation better, but regardless, these were the emotions I was feeling at the time and I knew it was creating a huge distance between us.
- What hurt you the most during that time?What hurt me the most at the time was when Laura and I got into a verbal fight while I was holding Casey. As I started to yell back, Laura grabbed a hold of Casey from my arms and told me to get out of the house, but what hurt me more was the look in her eyes that said “you are an unworthy husband and father”. I felt immediate anger, sadness, but at the end of it all, I only felt hopelessness and the feeling of wanting to just give up.
- What do you think was the problem?The problem was we could’ve said and done things differently to not hurt each other and definitely spend more time together away from the kids, but ultimately both of us were not intimate with our heavenly Father. Our relationship with Him was at an all time low and what we really needed was the community of our church and their prayers. Aside from our lack of spiritual relationship, we really needed to spend time together away from the kids, but also spend time with our own friends and just recharge.
- What did you want the most to change? What had to change for the marriage to get better?We needed more date nights together and I needed to see my friends more often, or go out to the theater and watch a movie.
- Do you see a change in Laura since the new changes? In yourself? In how parenting is?Yes, we were seeing a lot of changes starting with prayer and counseling from our church community. We decided to also take every other Friday for date night and the other Fridays for prayer night at our church, especially after my parents told me they were willing to watch the kids every Friday. This really helped us revitalize our relationship with one another and we just started to have fun and relax like the time before our marriage. I could see that Laura was much happier and if she’s happy, then I’m happy. Bettering our relationship also helped with parenting because it can truly be difficult to show and give love to another if you’ve got no love to give.
- What is your recent favorite memory with Laura?My recent favorite memory with Laura was getting a couples massage together and grabbing a good bite to eat after. Can’t get any better than relaxing and eating good food with my life partner.
- What is it that you want Joey and Casey to always remember about you and Laura?I want Joey and Casey to remember that their Mom and Dad always cared for each other and loved one another with all they had. I want my girls to remember what a healthy and loving couple looks like and that they too deserve that kind of relationship with their life partner.
Written by Laura:
- What was your first impression of Allen?Allen looked like he came straight out of Korea. He had KPOP style hair from the early 2000s. If you don’t know what that looks like, pretty much his hair looked like John Rzeznik’s from the Goo Goo Dolls except nowhere near as cool haha. Just kidding. Allen was just not “my type” so I quickly dismissed him as just another guy. It seemed pretty clear to me in the beginning that we were nothing alike. It wasn’t until we started getting to know each other that we realized we had so much in common.
- What did the two of you enjoy doing the most? Was there a particular memory that you both shared that you will always cherish forever?We loved traveling together. After we got married, we made it a goal to travel as much as we could afford. We weren’t even sure we wanted to try to have children but even still, we just wanted to see as much of the world together. I have so many amazing fond memories traveling with Allen. I think the one that tops it all for me is when we lived in Seattle for a few months while he was on clinical rotations at school. Living somewhere outside of our hometown together and discovering new experiences and memories together was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Those few months really set the tone for me in our marriage. I wanted to spend the rest of my life experiencing new and original memories with Allen. It was the first time I truly felt like we were leading a new life together as a married couple. It was like heaven to me.
- When did marriage start getting difficult?To be honest, it really just snuck up on us. It’s a very long story that I won’t go into detail here but to sum it up for me, the marriage started becoming difficult after we unexpectedly went viral all over the world soon after Joey was born. It was one of the darkest periods of my life. I was trying to figure out motherhood for the first time while living under the world’s constant and often times not-so-merciful scrutiny. It was two years of ups and downs emotionally for me to say the least. Fast forward a couple years later and it took a turn for the worse a few months after Casey was born. I was a hormonal and emotional wreck. The previous 2 years had been, in what I can say now, very traumatic to me and I had held it all in. Allen and I had never truly talked about what happened those 2 years, how it affected both me and him. I was overwhelmed beyond measure, feeling so distant from my community and friends, while also traumatized by the constant judgment around me as I was still trying to figure out how to be a mom. (Did I mention I received almost daily hate mail and a few death/kidnapping threats during those 2 years??) Allen was still focused on building his career and so I tried to do all that I could on my own. When I needed him, he was unavailable for the most part, so I learned to “figure it out” on my own. Side note to the married couples reading this: please don’t ever do that. It nearly broke us. Eventually we started fighting because I got bitter and I would say the most hurtful things to him. I would throw out the word, “divorce” here and there to see how he would react. He was always just silent, which to me meant he either agreed or didn’t care enough to do something about it. I couldn’t stand being around him and I know some of it had to do with my hormones going crazy but most of it had to do with built up resentment over the past few years. I started to believe that divorce could happen to us and that our lives could possibly be better had we separated. It was the darkest time of our marriage because we were so confused by our emotions in anger and bitterness that we weren’t even sure if we still loved each other. We stopped talking to each other. Intimacy was for sure off the table and we never expressed to each other that we loved each other.
- What do you feel contributed to that?It was a lack of communication. It was the disconnect that came after the lack of communication. It was so many little things that were ignored. Sarcastic and hurtful comments. Silence. No follow-up. Lack of intimacy. Lack of intentional and quality time together. Having TWO kids! But it all began from the lack of communication. And it also wasn’t all on him. We no longer saw our friends because we were so caught up in the chaos of parent-life so it was incredibly draining.
- What hurt you the most during that time?I was so hurt that Allen wasn’t available to me as my husband. He seemed to me just like a roommate who just lived with us and helped me watch the kids. I felt so alone. Uncared for.
- What do you think was the problem?I was hurt that he didn’t make the effort to do more to check in with me and my emotions. He knew that I was going through so much but he let me go through it alone. I think what would’ve helped was to just spend more intentional time together. We forgot what it was like to be with each other, just enjoying each other.
- What did you want the most to change? What had to change for the marriage to get better?I wanted more quality time with him. I wanted to be able to express to him what I was going through and for him to love on me back. I wanted it to go back to where we were before we had kids, when we were so in sync with our feelings about each other. Allen had to let go of his pride and I had to let go of my expectations and bitterness. We also had to make time for ourselves in self-care. That was in the form of alone-time and time with friends.
- Do you see a change in Allen since the new changes? In yourself? In how parenting is?Yes, Allen is happier and less stressed now. (Sorry Allen for putting you through that before haha!) He makes it priority to spend quality alone time with me now and quality time with the girls. That means everything to me. He is more tender towards me and because of that, I’ve become more tender towards him. I still need more work but it’s getting better, I swear. 😉Parenting is always going to be hard but it’s a lot easier now knowing that I’m not alone in this marriage.
- What is your recent favorite memory with Allen?It’s hard to choose because I don’t have just a favorite one. They’re all favorites. When he holds my hand. When he looks at me and just smiles. Just being home with him and the girls together is enough for me.
- What is it that you want Joey and Casey to always remember about you and Allen?I want the girls to know how their parents took care of their marriage. I want them to know that we made the time and investments to self-care, friendship-care and marriage-care so that they can follow that model when they are older.
Thank you for sharing ❤️ And I am so incredibly sorry for all the judgements and criticism you received. I see such loving, intentional parenting from both of you.
So appreciate your openness. I discovered your Joey naptime pictures very early on & like so many, followed with relish. Nothing in your images, book tour, promos, etc showed anything but a life of joy & delight. Pulling the curtain back is so helpful to all who think others live ‘fairytale lives’. Esp to new moms who are trying so very hard. I am truly sorry that you had to endure hate mail & death threats. So unkind, corrosive, and downright scary. Best, Alice
Thank you for sharing your intimate memories of happiness, sadness, and anger this Valentines Day.
It’s perfect!
In addition to the joy countless others and I get from your real-life posts, and the sharing of the cuteness that are Joey and Casey, there is so much comfort in your honesty and love for life, each other, and your children.
I expected the hate and vicious threats to be a part of your time, but not to the extent you describe.
It’s sad that there can be so much hatred and evil that should so easily be replaced by kindness, empathy, compassion, patience, understanding, and love.
Thank you for sharing yourself, your strength, and your vulnerability.
It is my hope and expectation that it will help strengthen and guide more people than it won’t.
I’m so very grateful.
I just have to say thank you for being brave enough to share the darker more intimate side of marriage. What you’re describing and conveying is intensely similar to what I’ve been experiencing in my own marriage: 2 kids, overactive postpartum hormones, lack of communication, resentment toward my husband – difficult and very personal things that I don’t think are addressed enough. Knowing that all time low feeling takes you to such a dark place and makes you question everything about your life together, makes you imagine “better off” scenarios and just puts so much more strain on an already fragile marriage.
I’m happy that you and your husband have found the strength, love and determination to build up your marriage again. I’m happy to say that I’m working through tough situations in my own marriage. I’m happy that people can read your blog and know that every couple goes through these low periods and that it’s not just their relationship that has the tough moments.
Thabk you for sharing your story.
Hi Laura,
I’m from Singapore! After I’ve read your article, I am filled with so much emotions. Because I am experiencing the same situation as you and Allen (btw, my husband’s name is Allan too). Now and then I will always be sad and I will always feel I’m not loved because Allan is not the kind of person who shows emotion too. But I know he loves me by showing it differently. This Valentine’s Day, you wrote a really great article and it really inspires me a lot. Thank you for sharing this story with us and I hope that me and Allan can be better in the future to come. And, may God bless you, Allen, and both your beautiful daughters. ❤️
yes! honesty and communication are 🔑. thank you both for being so vulnerable in life and in your marriage with us. (no pressure to share anything)! joey and casey are blessed to have such resilient loving parents to guide them in life. i won’t say it will get easier from here per se, but now you’re equipped with the tools to handle and solve tough situation. thank you for sharing your different experiences and thoughts through dofferent lenses. a very insightful read. “
it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.”
Thank you for sharing. Marriage is a lot of work and not pretty. I’m glad you guys are working towards a happier life together. It’s not easy but together you guys can face it all.
Also screw the internet and hateful people on it. Most of us are rooting for you and adore your family!
My wife and I have been married for 5 years and are expecting our first child in a month. My biggest fear has always been that our child will create a distance in our relationship, so thank you both for being so candid. I guess being more self aware and honest with our feelings will help me through. You guys are both great.
This is real talk ♥️ I’ve experienced some of what happened to you and at the end we got divorced, sad but that’s life. All the best to your family 💖
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s beautiful and promising to see that positive change can still happen even at the lowest and darkest moments in a marriage. God bless you both, the girls, and your life together as a family.
thank you so much for sharing your story. it resonated with me incredibly.
Thank you for sharing this! I have been married for (almost) a year already and we sure have struggled! I can’t imagine yet what kids would add to the equation, but sure want to be an example for my future kids one day. Communication is so important! And having faith that God too will make a relationship stronger.
May God keep blessing you, Allen and the girls! And that you two can keep growing and learning more in your relationship!
Today I read something great that got me thinking— a marriage will be successful when you learn to love someone for who they are (as they will always learn and change) and not for who you want them to be. That person who you married (and you too) will keep evolving and changing, you can’t expect them to be the exact same person than before you married, but a greater one.
Much love!
Thank you for sharing one of the most vulnerable times of your life. I know it’s not easy. But it’s real. My husband and I went through a very dark time in our marriage a few years ago. A time where we individually felt so alone and I personally was struggling with suicidal thoughts because Satan wanted to tear our entire family apart. I’m so glad that you two decided to share each partner’s point of view because there is always two sides to a story. I pray you continue to pursue God and pursue each other. Much love & respect.
this was beautiful and real. thank you for sharing this tough time and i wish you and Allen the best.
I love that you ended it with the fact that you and Allen worked together to fix your relationship. You both cared enough to fix it. ❤
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this!! I have been having so much anxiety over my marriage lately and everything you both said just resonated so much with me. We have a 9 month old daughter who we absolutely adore but we rarely get any quality time alone together since we are tied up with caring for her. Yesterday was a very tough day for us since we both acknowledged just how difficult this season in our marriage has been for us. I want my husband to read this because I think he will really appreciate reading Allen’s responses. I just wanted you both to know that you have helped us so much already just through sharing your story! Sending so much love to you both and of course those precious girls of yours!
Thank you for sharing your story. Love is truly hard work. We really need to put in effort to make our marriage work. Good to know you chose each other despite the differences. You got this, as you always do. God bless your beautiful little family. 🙂
Wow…thank you Laura and Allen for being so vulnerable to share your marriage story. I agree, it’s important to spend time together to connect and then also with friends. Dan and I think you and Allen are incredible people with amazing girls.
Thank you for sharing. Marriage is a life-long learning journey and though am currently not married yet, this post has provided me with insights on what to expect and how to work around when problems arise in marriage, which will be beneficial for me in the future. Especially agreed with what Allen mentioned about building an intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father. We love because He first loved us. Put God first, and everything else will fall into place. May God continue to bless both of you and your families with abundance in love, joy and peace. 🙂
Wow! Thank you so much for boldly writing this. I surely need this today. This is a heaven-sent post .
GOD BLESS you, your marriage, and your whole family more and more! ❤️
You are on the right track. My husband and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage next month. When our kids were little, alone time was hard to manage. But once they were old enough to leave with my parents, any trip my husband had to take for work, I went with him. We have kept our friendship alive, which has always made our marriage strong. Also, sitting in church every Sunday holding hands seems to get us on the same page for the week. Keep up
the good work. 😊
Having been married for nearly 30 years, your post on this day is the most real and the most loving thing I could have read. A committed relationship is very hard work and is often not romantic. But the love, friendship and care that comes as a result of that hard work is everything. I wish you and Allen and your girls the best life. Love getting a glimpse into your family’s life. ♥️
Hi Laura and Allen ♡
Just a simple comment I’ll leave here after reading your wonderful blog…my boyfriend and I are avid followers of you and your 2 girls. Your posts are refreshing and these gives us ideas and samples to help me and him a better person for each other. This blog helped me to realize that it’s normal for marriage to have dark seasons. It lets you evolve and change for the best version, with God’s guidance and grace.
I love you guys. I pray for you and your family. God bless you continually as you live to magnify and lift His name.
Seeing your posts makes me imagine myself 10years from now with Jonas. (My bf) we’re in our mid 20s, he’s still in college cause he transfered schools and shifted courses (software dev), while I’m a business graduate and currently working in a company of import and exporting meats. I’m a Pastor’s daughter 😀
Just to wrap this up, I’m so glad I’m able to write this rn. I just wanted to let you know how you guys affected me and Jonas for the past 3years with your lives. Through ups and downs.
Cheers to more memories!!!
Thank you for reading…
Bethany Remigio
Philippines
(Come to Jesus Community Church of Antipolo)
This is so beautiful. We all go through our ups and downs in our relationship and get carried away in balancing home kids and work.
I can’t believe you of all people would receive such negative feedbacks.
Sigh. We are surivors and survive we shall.
Loads of love ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story. I think this is so important to share. No one ever shares how hard things can get after a couple has a baby. My husband and I went through the same thing. I had my second child six months ago and my husband and I are trying our very best to not end up at the bad place again. We have our good and bad days but we are doing the best we can.
Thank you for sharing this! Marriage is worth fighting for. Remembering 1 John 4:19 helps me when I feel frustrated in my marriage, “We love because He first loved us.” Of Christ can forgive ME I can forgive my husband for a grumpy attitude.
Thank you again, following your family is inspiring!!
Thank you for sharing your experience! I have 4 kids ( well 3 adult children and a teen) and remember those days of feeling alone, aner & resentment towards my spouse, because I too had that “Figure it out” mentality- which is sonad because the “enemy” will get the best of you. My heart truly went out to you and had tears in my eyes remembering feeling the lonliness. Fast forward to present day. Working out the kinks together and certainly a lot of prayer- from the community and for eachother , we continue to endure the love and friendship for one another.
Someone had suggested a book that I can say is one of my favorites and has helped greatly with our relationship. The 5 love languages of love. It helped me find out what my husbands needs were to feel loved, and also helped him to realize what he could do to ” fill my tank”. Anyways… I will continue to pray for your marriage. Thank you again for sharing!
This post is so honest so brave. I watch your stories everyday because you guys make me so happy. I think of you guys as perfect and it’s so refreshing how honest you are
Hi Laura, I’m vasugee from Malaysia. I have read your story and it’s really a great advise for me who gonna enter into a marriage life soon….I have highlights a lot of self-note to myself when I read your story….it’s going to be very helpful for us as a couples……and your guys a amazing that move a step forward to share your personal issues and how you guys figure it out..♥️ I will be happy if you could reply me and say “Hi” ….I’m big fan of you guys..sending lot’s of love 😘♥️
Hey Laura. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I initially stubmbled on ur insta posts because my oldest is around the same age.
The pictures of Joey always brought me so much joy.
Like you, my husband and I went through a very rough patch when the older one was born. I had post partum blues as well as feeling resentful towards my husband. I felt that even though he was there, he didn’t quite know how to help.
The hardest part for me was learning to carve out time for myself to be me again and to literally go and demand attention from my husband (I would go up and say I need some 1:1 time NOW)
Luckily for the 2nd time round, I had figured out what my triggers are and how to manage my mood better. Also, my husband has learned how to recognize when I need help and will step in without asking.
I’m glad that things are working out for you two and that both of you are putting the work in to making the relationship important!
This was beautiful. It resonated deeply with me. Marriage is hard work. It is not all flowery feelings and love sonnets.
This was the perfect blog for Valentine’s Day. This is a very real representation of what marriage looks like in different seasons.
😭😭😭 thank you so much for your honesty and trusting us enough to let us in on such a hard time in your lives. My husband and I have only been married almost two years and we’ve struggled through so many of the same things (lack of communication, intimacy, checking in, or unspoken expectation). I know every couple has their own issues but it’s nice when we can be open about it and not put up a front or act like everything is going well when it really isn’t. And one thing we said we would prioritize when we first got married was finding a church and community to grow with, but we’ve put that on the back burner since we let other things consume us. Definitely going to be making a that more of a priority.
Wow. So good! I could’ve written this word for word aside from the going viral aspect. We are still a big work in progress but I think the key was finally communicating our needs to each other. I definitely didn’t and don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that what we were doing is a healthy relationship but on the other hand I’m not going to be ashamed that we are showing them that love and marriage take work too. And it ebbs and flows. There are peaks and valleys. I am so blessed by this post and by your adorable family. Thank you for sharing your lives and hearts with us! Happy Valentines Day! Praying for you all and sending so much love to you all.
So brave of you two to write this. You always came of as a couple that had everything figured out and perfect, who could have guessed what was really happening. It is so honest of you to share this and make me realize everyone had emotions and needs and what we show online is usually only the bright part. Showing the darker side is less common, but it is such a real side. Thank you for sharing and helping others as well with your story. I hope you continue on this path of caring for each other. Communication indeed is key and im happy you are in sync with each other again.
I feel awful to read about those threats you receive, it must be so hard to receive them, I hope you click delete and ignore it as much as possible.
I love this! Even though I’m not married yet my 8 year relationship can really feel it. I will have to use this in the future during my rough times. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for being so kind and brave to share this. I’m going to use these questions for my husband and myself. I wish you all so much love & happiness. Xoxo
I really needed this today. It’s hard admitting something is wrong in a marriage. And it’s easy to blame one or the other. And today of all days I woke up to an argument with my husband before he left for work and a lot of things were said. This was truly a sign for me.
❤ ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Dearest Laura,
Thank you for your honest thoughts. I try to pray for you daily. xoxo
🎀 Wow. Some of this resonated so much with me. Thank you for sharing what so many couples on social media refuse to. For showing us that everything we see isn’t actually as perfect as it seems. That you’re real people too. You guys are my “spirit animals”.
Hi Laura,
I’ve been following your IG account since Joey’s a baby. Even I’m very single right now and I felt so much love and strength from your story. Thank you so much for being so honest and transparent about your story. I’m sure it’s very difficult time for your family and thanks God for giving you strength to move forward.
“I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” Psalms 91:2
Sooo glad you took the time to care for yourselves and your marriage. Adulting AND parenting is HARD! Also so sorry people were downright mean. So uncalled for and adds more stress! Keep being you Iz Fam!
Love You guys!
Thank you for sharing Laura and allen! I am not married but I have been with my boyfriend for 7 yrs and we have a little boy together *4yrs old. And last yr was absolutely the worst do to the fighting and stress. It feels like we experienced the same emotions! But with god and alot of parent advice we seemed to work it out for the better. We have been taking care of our relationship for us and our little guy. Thank you ❤
Dear Laura and Allen,
Thank you so much for being honest and open up the struggles of marriage life. Although it’s a bit different (when your issue was having more kids, mine is by having no kids) but I’m also facing the similar thing—how relationship turns cold and hard.
Funny to know that God somehow designs marriage with struggles and hardships. But that doesn’t mean that He wants you to fall apart but to stay strong together to sort it out. In my religion, marriage even equals to half of the religion itself—that shows how hard marriage is but important to work it out. This totally relates with what Allen said—fix your spiritual relationship.
Your story somehow enlighten me to never give up, and I would say thank you for that. It is so brave to open up sensitive and private story like this and it will definitely bring useful insights for many.
Love,
Putri – Indonesia
Hi guys. This is what marriage is about not giving up.. I’m married 4yrs now and we too had our share of issues after the baby was born.. we live our baby girl to the max but forgot to cherish each other and spend time with each other.. we worked things out and it’s getting better.. I’m in awe with u both . The way u guys parent ur kids nd how funny u guys are with each other. I only wish u guys happiness ❤️
Thank you for sharing this, Laura and Allen. I am not married, but have seen people in my life go through ups and downs. It is so important to share that family life is hard. Telling your story makes the world a better place, and helps people that are making life choices understand the difficulties everyone faces along the way.
I am so sorry to hear that the last few years have been difficult. You have a family you can be proud of, and just as importantly you can be proud of how much positive energy you put into the world. Your posts cheer me up in dark moments, and I wish you and your family the best!
Thank you so much for being vulnerable. I could relate to nearly every word. I’ve been inspired to make changes in my own marriage. You are appreciated!
Dear Laura & Allen,
Thank you for being so open in sharing your very personal story. This post speaks volumes to me in so many ways! I feel like my marriage took a wrong turn a few years back too, and it has gone to an unrecognizable, seemingly hopeless, & lonely place! It definitely started after the birth of my first daughter, but has since worsened after the recent birth of my 2nd daughter. We are definitely disconnected and it’s so sad. So frustrating. Your post gives me hope. It’s hard to know where to start on repair since it’s been so strained for so long, but i can see it’s not too late! Thank you.
Laura and Allen .. you are the real power couple! Laura .. you are a warrior .. going through so much on the inside and putting up such beautiful memories of your gals and for your gals is not easy! You did the best thing by sharing your dark story with us … it will surely help many couples see some bright side in their relationships… Communication is the King and the queen … I hope Allen n u make many beautiful memories with your adorable daughters..
Loads of love n best wishes
Yash
This is the type of content I needed on valentines day.
I am crying at work – thank you for sharing this. I love and appreciate your story, I know its a hard one to share but thank you for being vulnerable.
I recently got married (two weeks tomorrow YAY!) and I know that its part of it. I just wish more people would be open to talk about all the hardships and how after the storm you see the rainbow. No rain, no flowers.
Anyway, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.. just thank you for sharing this. I love that both of you were open to doing this.
Paola
I love how real and sincere this is. My husband and I were through our darkest times when we had our first baby, and then it was more difficult after our 2nd came along. Figuring out parenting 24/7 was exhausting! Thank you for sharing this, knowing that i’m not alone and so many feel this way as well.
You’re so awesome for writing this and being so freakin brave. It’s so hard to be honest with yourself and admit these painful realities and even harder to share it with the world. So much of this resonated with me. The communication- or lack thereof- is the big. Allen’s responses MIRROR MY HUSBANDS feeling exactly (I know this now from couples therapy). Touch is def. his love language and I’m often just not in that place… with three kids around smothering you all day, you just want to do your own thing.
These questions are magic. Totally bringing this into our next therapy session.
I imagine THIS is the reason you keep doing this despite the scary shit… You are literally changing and helping people’s lives.
Thank you for this. YOU GUYS GOT THIS.
Hi, Laura!
How are you? I’m a brazilian follower, then I’m sorry since now for my English mistakes in this comment.
I’ve been following you since 2017 and I’m just in love with you and your family. I’m only 18 years-old and when I started following you, I saw you as the kind of mother I want to be. You’re sweet, smart, patient, in love with your husband and children, in love with your life.
I love when you share us your experiences was a mother, a wife and a human. You show us that somethings can get out of control, but there’s always a way to get everything okay again. Joey and Casey are learning wonderful things from you and Allen. I’m sure they will be proud of how beautiful is your mutual love.
In despite of these hard moments, I still wanna be like you when I get older. I see you as an incredible mother, always trying to teach your kids the best of life, learning with them and Allen, trying to make them happy! I’m fascinated with the way you love each other.
I hope you had learn a bit more from this bad experience. Hard things that happens in our lives are never a mistake, it’s always a lesson.
Thank you for sharing your learning and knowledge about how to overcome these difficult moments. I love you guys, I love your lives, I love your family. I’ll pray for you and send a lot of love. You are amazing people. I’m thankful for your lives ❤ Try to remember always: everything will be okay if you stay together!
Love from your young follower, Eduarda (@eduardamuedock) xoxo
Beautiful, raw & brave!
I’m sorry for the hateful, petty & loud detractors, but know that there are many more who LOVE the JOY you bring thru your pics & stories. You, *YOU*, make so many SMILE and LAUGH.
And please know that everything passes. Even the most difficult time passes. And it’s these difficulties that bring added meaning, grace & appreciation to moments of love.
Big hugs to you & your family.
Thank you for sharing your story. It meant a lot. From an outsider’s perspective your life looked like a dream. It’s a reality check that nothing always appears as it seems. I feel you in so many ways. Congrats on restoring your faith and partnership.
Hi! Been following you since become viral years ago. I never thought of you and alex would go through such seeing you both ang doing good in pictures. What shocked me was your post last week. I think we really need to go through that phase for us to realize the worth of each other and the promise we make in marriage. Thank u for sharing this blog because me and my husband too is experiencing this phase. Much love! And its my birthday today! I’ll treat this as a gift of insight! Fighting Choiz family!
Correcting alex with allen! Sorry😂
I am extremely glad you posted this.
I am not married nor do I have children but I can only feel what it would be like going thru what you both did. Though we are not married, I feel like our relationship has been going through something like this. I dont want to give up this relationship because he has been my everything and reading this has given me some hope, especially cuz last night, the day before valentines ,we had a huge fight. I want us to work and you have given me some strength to keep fighting for us. So I want to say thank you …
Also I’ve always wondered how you guys kept it so cool….I guess it’s not all what it seems on the outside …good to know that you’re human too
This is some profound integrity, vulnerability and courage.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story. I cried reading it because I was you after I had my second. Sadly, my marriage ended and I still wish I could have prevented all the hurt. I raised both my kids alone (still here) and although I can look back at the experience, it’s still very painful in my heart.
Hello Laura! Your story is a lot like mine (minus the fame!) Parenthood is great, but it can throw you off balance at the begining. Thank you for being so honest with us about your struggles! I hope your story encourages other couples to seek solutions when Parenthood becomes overwhelming. I know you have with it takes to always remain a happy, strong, committed couple, guided by God.
Love from SC
this hits home. my husband and i are in this right now. two kids in two years, i’m constantly touched out and the last thing i want to do at the end of the day is cuddle, kiss, etc. that and the lack of time we get to spend alone is taking its toll. date nights are expensive, we have to pay the sitter, then for whatever activity we’re doing on top of it and as a single income household, it’s a luxury we don’t get to experience often. i keep telling myself it’s temporary, and soon it’ll get easier as the kids get older and won’t need me as much anymore. thank you for sharing and being candid. it helps to know we’re not alone.
Hi Laura! I just wanted to say thanks for posting this – it takes a lot of courage and strength to post something something so raw and real. I find myself agreeing to a lot of things you posted and just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. Hugs to you and your family <3
Thank you so much for this. I am not married, but in a relationship and we have had our ups and down. A lot due to long distance and miscommunications that lead to a lack of communicating. I thank you for putting something so vulnerable out for others to read and understand. Thank you. It makes me feel not alone and allows me to really take a step back from the societal standards that a relationship is under. It gives me faith in relationships even through hardships. Thank you for allowing us to see and hear you which in turn allows me to see and hear myself. All the love 🙂
Thank you Laura – I’ve experienced most of this as well and because, as you point out, most people don’t talk about this part of love/commitment, I too thought these experiences were a sign that the relationship was a failure. We are thankfully in a much better place together, having learned the hard way like you that we need to put time into talking about these feelings openly. I’m sincerely grateful to you both for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing this! I’m getting married this year, and I hope to carry your guys’ experiences with me for if/when times get hard.
I love that you guys worked for your marriage before jyst giving up. I hope your relationship and familial bond continues to grow stronger!
Thank you BOTH for being so real and so raw. I can’t imagine how hard this must have been but that’s why we all love you and your family. Sending you so much love and light.
Love this and you and the girls and your family. You are so open and honest and give us all hope. Abrazos hermana 💕
Hi Laura,
Thank you so much for sharing this. I cried as I read this, lately things have been tense in my relationship, and when I read the word “tender” I know that was what I’ve been needing as well. Much love and so happy your beautiful family is doing better now !
XO
You guys!! This made me cry so much!! Thanks for posting this Laura. My marriage has had its ups and downs and having two kids is veryyyy hard! Especially since I’m a sahm and my husband works from home too…..so we’re around each other everyday! 🤪 And being around each other everyday leads to nagging/ fighting etc….but this story touched me so much!!!!!!! Love your family ♥️
Thank you so much for opening your hearts. I have one kid and both my husband and I work a lot. And being away from our family and friends makes it hard to spend time on our own. It’s definitely something we need to do.
There’s something you mentioned how your relationship with your Heavenly Father affected your family. I can relate to that.
Thanks again for sharing your story.
My situation is pretty similar to yours, I also have 2 daughters and they are about the same age as Joey and Casey. Things definitely went downhill fast after our eldest, I was not clinically diagnosed but looking back, I definitely had the post partum symptoms. I felt that I needed to be strong, to support our little family. When I try to remember that time, it’s foggy and filled with lots of despair. My husband had the same reactions like Allen and we were in a terrible place. We are much better now after some conseling and we work hard at our relationship. I wish more people would speak up about it. You can’t expect to start a family and stay the same. Priorities change and people change/adapt. Wishing you, Allen, Joey and Casey the happiest of Valentine’s day.
Hi Laura,
Thank you so much for sharing!
My husband and I are currently in the state where we have neglected each other and our marriage. We also have two young kids and no date nights. We also don’t have family near us to help/support us.
I am where you & Allen were 2 years ago, and I sometimes play the scenario in my head of what it would look like if I left him. We’ve had two big verbal fights in front on the kids and it’s not the way that I want my kids to see what a marriage looks like. I’m so disappointed in myself for letting that happen.
Reading your marriage story gives me hope. My next step is marriage counselling and God.
Thank you again for being so real!
I cried a lot because in my case I can’t save my marriage. I tried everything, he cheated on me multiple times, and always forgived him but was not enough. I’m happy for you guys and please always tried the best for your marriage and your kids ♡
Beautiful and perfect timing. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for opening up, this is really happening here and there, me and my husband even decide not to have baby number 2, we’ll stick with one kid only, cause we know we won’t survive two.. everything you’ve shared above happens to us too.. we went through the hell once, it’s just too scary to enter the same hell again, hahahhaa.. you did well laura and allen, you did well.. 💙
Hi Laura & Allen!
Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable to the world!
You both have put into words what I am feeling, what I have been feeling, what I’m sure my husband has and is feeling as well.
We have an almost 3.5 year old and a 3 month old. It’s a roller coaster of emotions and we’re working and living through it.
Your stories have made feel like I’m not alone. Thank you.
Laura and Allen,
Thank you so much for sharing something so raw, so real, and so vulnerable.
As a new mom, I’ve learned that parenthood can be so isolating at times and it can definitely impact relationships with your family, friends, and partner. I was always afraid to say anything for the fear of judgement or feeling like a failure.
Social media also doesn’t help either, because we end up comparing ourselves with others rather than appreciate what is in front of us.
I appreciate you sharing your story and letting us new parents know that we aren’t alone.
Thank you for reminding us to appreciate our loved ones and to not take the little things for granted.
Thank you Laura and Allen for sharing your stories! Much love and blessing to you and your family!
I’ve followed your page for a awhile just in love with your family! To see what You and Allen have overcome so much is truly inspiring!
I, myself, is currently going through so much. I feel the same as what You and Allen have described about what you guys felt is most damaging to your marriage. At times I just feel like I’m holding on because I have a Son with my husband. And other times I’m fine. I feel like an emotional wreck.
After reading this blog, should I do questions for my husband and I to answer as well? To get an understanding of where the both of us stand at in our very real feelings or we could just be misunderstanding one another.
Over all, I’m inspired by you Laura! You truly are an amazing person! 💕
Same girl. Same. Except we didnt go viral or have that scrutiny but the first couple months with a newborn and 2 year old was f’in hard. Why do ppl not talk more about this? Divorce, get out of my house/my life, hormones, bfing, bitterness directed at the dad. All that. But here we are! We did it! We survived! U got this!
My favorite lines from your answers:
Allen:
“but ultimately both of us were not intimate with our heavenly Father”
Laura:
“When he holds my hand. When he looks at me and just smiles.”
I don’t know you guys, and didn’t know you were Christians until I read this. My prayer for you both is that through the Holy Spirit… you would have an insatiable desire to grow more intimate with the Lord daily! Then through that, your love for one another would grow deeper. The world would be even more attracted to your family because you radiate God’s love.
Laura, Im sorry that you received all those crazy emails with those threats. What’s wrong with people!? I always loved how you dressed up Joey while she napped! 🙂 You brought so many smiles to the lives of so many by your creativity. Don’t get jaded, continue to share your creativity with the world girl!
This is amazing. Thank you for sharing the realness behind the pretty photos. I love the pretty photos but when Allen describes the fight with the baby in his arms… tears, because we’ve had those dark moments too. I had my second baby a couple weeks after you had Casey and this past year has been the hardest on our marriage. It’s a season and we are getting through it. Thank you thank you for sharing. Much love to you all on Valentines Day!
My husband and I had a rough patch with our first born. It was overwhelming and I had my mom breathing behind my back reminding me how wrong I’m doing everything. I felt alone and we got in a huge fight to where I asked him to leave and he did. He came back of course not empty handed but we both apologized and made up. Learning from that experience it was a lot easier with my second and then 3rd child. I stood my ground on how I wanted to parent and my husband is very supportive. We still don’t have many date nights but we have family nights and when kids are in bed by 8 we have us time. Tv, cuddles and hot tea, since then we communicate more, talk about our feelings and we even have an emotional chart so he knows how I’m feeling that day. At a young age I learned life itself is a struggle we all fail, we all win sometimes and we all learn from our experiences. I’m happy y’all found y’all’s I call it routine. Babies are a blessing but always remember before babies it was y’all first. Our kids will see the struggle, the love and the pain we go thru but one thing they will know is we all fought for what we all have and love and communication is the key to happiness in some peoples marriages. For others it’s something different ❤️
Uf, definitely going through this right now. God I wish in all the parenting classes you have to take, that they would give you a marriage class about how hard it’s gonna be and how to really help each other. It’s so obvious!! Both people are hurting because of the disconnection. So glad you guys chose to work on it instead of walk away.
Reading this I remembered some dark times I had in my marriage. I related to everything Laura said (expect the parenthood, bc I don’t have children). I think my husband can also relate to Allen parts. It’s all in the past now and we are living happily and so much in sync.
Thanks for sharing your experience, it made me remind my own history and remember how my husband is precious to me.
I’m sorry you had all that judgment, Laura! And I’m also sorry that you and Allen experienced some hardships.
I’m sending all of my good thoughts that all the bad moments stay in the past and that you can feel closer to each other now.
You are a lovely family and I don’t use Instagram very much but every time I have a chance I check Laura’s stories.
I wish you all only good things and lots of love all the way from Brazil to you hearts! 💜
Thank you for sharing intimate details. It really helps me think about our marriage to see what I am and he is lacking. You are incredibly brave and an amazing mama. God loves you both so much and desires to see you both grow stronger together.
From the bottom of my heart- thank you for sharing this Laura.
I read this with teary eyes as I’m holding my 2nd born 7 week old. We are going through the exact some thing and this has given me a great sense of hope. Thank you again and much love to your family- from Sydney, Australia xx
Hello Laura (Love your name 😉). This is the first blog of yours I’ve read since following your IG account for some time. (Side note: Your girls are adorable!) I thank you and Allen for sharing your personal, honest expressions about your marriage and your relationship. Every married person can relate to your experiences in some way because, let’s keep it real: no one is perfect—marriage is the joining of two imperfect people, so there will always be “challenges”. I just wanted to share with you both an awesome website that offers the Bible’s advice for couples, families, children, and teenagers. It’s JW.ORG. Enjoy! ❤️
Hi guys. The saying, “it takes a village” is so very true. If you are blessed to have family or friends support that can watch your girls on occasion so that the two of you can have a date night or a weekend alone, please take advantage of that. You need to keep your relationship as a couple strong and communicate with each other. I’m a 63 year old wife, married 38 years and wish I would have taken this advice. Keep God in your relationship also. Marriage is hard, parenting is hard, heck, LIFE is hard. I’ll be sure to keep you and your family in my daily prayers. ❤
Thank you for sharing honest story. It’s first Valentine’s day since the marriage, but it went very ugly. Our stories are different but I see what is needed in our relationship. Commutation and time to relax and look back on ourselves. And prayers and support from the church community. We’re all going together!! I hope your days are more inspiring to many of us!
I really enjoyed what you wrote. It took a lot of courage to share this.
We are all wired for connection and crave love and a sense of belonging.
My daughter Minea showed me your post and I had never followed someone before that I did not know. What you share makes us all very happy and I look forward to your posts every day. Even my husband looks forward to see them. Your girls are just super cute! I have been following your post for the last three years.
Lovely family! Keep up the good work. You are right on about communication. It is the foundation of everything.
Kind regards
Angelika
This is themost beautiful love story I have ever read. You are amazing, guys. Adorable. All my prayers for you and your babies.
This is just so beautiful and raw and true. I think many couples will empathise this period of when both feel alone and yet can’t seem to come mid way to meet each other. Thank you for sharing this, for making people realise that perfect Instagram posts don’t translate into perfect relationships and lives. That like everything else it requires patience, trust, persistence and just and whole lot of time!
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences, which are a private matter that everybody wouldn’t have known, by just looking on your Instagram posts. Started following you when stumbled upon Joey cosplay nap time, and all are awesome btw, and now I’m grateful that I found and read most of stories through your posts. It’s not easy to have live life itself. But reading this make me realize that my family also needs the much needed recharge, just like yours did. I believe that you’re making a positive change to many people who reading this. Funny that you’re already like a long distance family even when we don’t know each other. Thanks again for sharing. Send our regards to your little precious family. Awesome job Allen and Laura!
Thank you for sharing your story. I went through something similar last year. 2019 was a horrible year & I thought my marriage was failing. This was after my second child too. But we managed to pull through by making simple changes to our lives too. After reading your story, I feel that I was not alone. Through your story, I also learnt what else could be done to bring back the magic in our lives. Thank you Laura. Also, don’t feel judged by others okay! Different people says different things about motherhood but only the mother knows what is right & what can be done based on the resources she has or her mental state. You are doing great Laura & Allen too. May God bless both of you & your children. May everything go smooth sailing for your family always 🙂
I’m so sorry to hear that you were getting hateful and threatening comments. I’ll just never understand that. You and your precious family have been such a source of joy to me and so many others. You’d be surprised to know how many people are praying for your family.
Thank you for sharing, my husband and I read through this sharing and no other words can describe exactly what we are going right now. Reading through this brought tears to our eyes as we say “that’s exactly it”, “yes exactly”. “this!”. We just had our second child and the spousal resentment and loneliness is real, to see how both you and Allen felt that self care, reconnecting/lighting up your spiritual light and quality time together was somewhat the antidote – this gives us so much hope. Thank you for your vulnerability, the girls truly are blessed to have you and Allen as their parents, to guide them and show them how to be brave as they grow up. We hope to lead by example as well as for our two girls.
Thank you for sharing, my husband and I read through this sharing and no other words can describe exactly what we are going right now. Reading through this brought tears to our eyes as we say “that’s exactly it”, “yes exactly”. “this!”. We just had our second child and the spousal resentment and loneliness is real, to see how both you and Allen felt that self care, reconnecting/lighting up your spiritual light and quality time together was somewhat the antidote – this gives us so much hope. I cannot even imagine the anxiety and stress you went through when you went viral, going through that while feeling like you have to do it all on your own, it really does leave a lot of emotional scars on your heart and mind. To see you work through this truly shows how everything happens for a reason and ultimately it’s all in a God’s plan for us. Thank you for your vulnerability, the girls truly are blessed to have you and Allen as their parents, to guide them and show them how to be brave as they grow up. We hope to lead by example as well as for our two girls.
Thank you for sharing. We need to talk about these hard times more. Wish I’d read something like this 3 or so years ago before I lost my relationship, exactly because of such miscommunication. It’s a lesson for us all. Hope your relationship grows stronger as you grow together.
Thank you for sharing. We need to talk about these hard times more. Wish I’d read something like this 3 or so years ago before I lost my relationship, exactly because of such miscommunication. It’s a lesson for us all. Hope your relationship grows stronger as you grow together.
Thank you for being so raw and touching. I am engaged and my fiancé and I are just scratching the surface of what it will take to have a successful marriage. It really helps to read something like this and see that if both parties make an effort, they can have a happy and healthy marriage. Thank you.
This is so inspiring to read. Thank you for sharing. My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years and engaged for 5. We’ve not walked down the aisle yet because of personal reasons and along the way I think our communication is breaking down. I feel like we’re just best friends at the moment. I now choose to stay at my apartment instead of going to his. I need something to change in our relationship or else we will never walk down the aisle. Your questions to each other seem like a good way to start rebuilding our communication back with each other. – I’m hoping-! I’ve followed your stories from the very beginning and I’m happy you’ve allowed me to have a glimpse into your daily lives. Thank you and keep posting !
Oh man!! So good! So real, and such a godly example of confession—being broken and needing a Savior! This gives others courage to open up, share their brokenness and the Enemy loses the battle of the lie that causes isolation: “you’re the only one struggling with this.”
James 5:13-16 “confess to one another and pray for one another and you will be healed”.
Such a beacon of the hard work of marriage! And you didn’t let the Enemy win! Now you’re tromping him down by exposing the lies and not being afraid to expose your own “ugly” hearts.
This is courage…sharing the ugly, so that others will have hope!
Best Valentines story I’ve heard in a long time!! ❤️
Hi Laura & Allen,
Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your marriage. It’s strange to me that not a lot of married couples with kids would ever go through this. We hardly talk about this, let alone, acknowledge that it does exist in every marriage and I’m glad that you both did. I remember when I first got married, my mom warned me that just because you are married, it’s not all unicorns and rainbows — but rather, it is hard work. Throw in kids into the mix, dynamics of a marriage gets even harder.
When friends get married, I always give them one single advice and that is to continue to talk to each other despite of (fill in the whatever emotion/struggles/issues).
Being married is so hard these days especially trying to juggle kids, work, family, school, etc — and there’s no perfect solution to fix things but to keep remembering to make marriage a priority goes a long way. Thank you again for sharing this.
It’s like you took MY feelings and put it into words! So relatable Laura! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Laura (& Allen!), for sharing this! I am going through a similar time in my relationship and it 100% helps to know about your difficult relationship experience, especially since, to be honest, I’ve kind of idolized your life (because you’re awesome!) and have probably added unrealistic expectations for myself because of that.
Relationships aren’t easy, but when both partners are going through difficult times, they can be downright hard! Hearing your doubts about your marriage during your dark time really hit home for me, because sometimes it gets so hard that I have the urge to leave the relationship entirely. But it’s getting better because I started to realize the importance of having alone and friend time and of taking care of myself so that I could even begin to tend to the other important parts of my life.
Anyway, thank you so much for sharing bits of your life with all of us! Having said that, if taking care of yourself and family means posting less or whatever, I totally support you. You’ve already brought so many smiles to my life through your feed, and even though I don’t really know you, I care about you as a person who has value regardless of what content you produce, and hope you feel you can do what’s best for you moving forward.
This is exactly what happened to my marriage and with only one person wanting to try and fix it and a self employed business and three kids he was too busy to want to help it. I think he just thought it would come back around and yes always blamed me.
Sadly I waited for years to see it turn around on its own but never did. And divorced after being married for 21 years.
It was a very painful marriage and I’m glad you both were willing to get help and prayer. My former partner didn’t want either.
Stay into each other first and with faith and it will always come back around!!!
And I’m so sorry for the mean people out there!!!
Thank you for being so brave and sharing this. I felt like I could have written some of this myself. I appreciate your honesty and raw emotions. I hope the reflection from this will lead my husband and I in the right direction.
Thank you times infinity for this post. My husband and I are currently going through this very dark time and it seems I am reading about our exact problems in the answers to the questions. It gives me hope we can get through this. I know it can’t be easy to air out your marital issues to the world, but it helps us to know we’re not alone!! Much love. Thank you!!
thanks for sharing. i’m also a korean-american from the oc, who now lives with on the east coast with a two yr old. i’ve been an avid follower of yours, and ur most recent post about ur marriage has resonated most. i’m currently going thru something very similar, also holding onto the Lord for guidance thru these tough times. ur vulnerable sharing gives me hope and tells me that i’m not alone. many thx. xoxo
Hi Laura..im from Türkiye..
thank you for sharing this post ..
its our 10th year of marriage and boy its hard..
reading your post made me realize all couples go thourgh this stuff..
love and communication are the answer. .
wish you guys a long happy loving life with your adorable daughters..
Xoxo
I am so happy to see you guys have gone through all that and come to the other side stronger and better. I am also so amazed you shared this story with all of us given it was the social media attention which first led you towards the dark times. I hope the future holds nothing but the best for you.
P.s. I can never be under social media eye because I know it will drive me insane but they don’t know you or your life so don’t give a damn what they say. Ignore, block , and delete.
This made me feel like I’m not alone in trying to figure out my marriage too. I think we all go through this stage in our marriage at least once or more. Thank you for sharing. It’s all about communication and truly understanding each others love languages.
I’m especially thankful that you shared how you’re getting help and in what ways you’re changing things up. It breaks my heart knowing that while you’ve been sharing your family’s precious memories with the world people have been judging you and trying to pull you down for it. You’re an inspiration to me, a deep soul and a blessing to this world, Laura. Without ever meeting you, you’ve made motherhood less of a lonely chapter in my life. And now the same with marriage struggles.
My hubs and I been in a dark place since the year before my first of two kids was born. It’s been 3 years since I started throwing the word “divorce” around. I’m exhausted from being a stay-at-home mom on top of trying to look like a happy couple to our kids. My kids are both under 3 and have seen us behave really cruelly and childish to each other. I want to say there’s hope things will change between us for the better, but I’m just so exhausted, all I can think about is making it to the next day sometimes.
Us parents with two or more kids seriously need to carve out self-care time and couple time. It’s insane how two little human beings can flip the world upside down.
Anyway, I still love him. I’m crazy about him. I just don’t know how to have a peaceful relationship with him for more than 5 hours, it feels like we fight about everything! Hahaha
You don’t owe anyone anything, Laura. I hope you know that if you ever decided to quit your online presence all together so many people would still love and be rooting for yours and your family’s happiness and success. I don’t want you to, you’re the best, just putting it out there. It’d be nice to hear how things go with all the church support and carving time for each other. But no pressure at all!
Ally love and prayers to you, sis.
Thank you for your courage to share this. I can very much relate! Bless you and your beautiful family!